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Six Practical Tips for IEP Meetings

July 13, 2019 By Laura Epstein Leave a Comment

IEP meetings are important times to bring your child’s team members together to discuss progress and make changes when necessary. They can also be overwhelming, frustrating and stressful. Here are just a few of my tips that help lead to smooth meetings.

Document Everything, and Bring All the Documents

If you don’t already have a place that all documents from the school and independent providers go get one now. Some people use a binder or folder for this purpose. Personally I scan everything into my computer and store it on google drive and then keep the paper copies in a accordion file folder. Whatever system you use EVERYTHING should go into it and then be brought into the meeting. I have referenced e-mails from private therapist’s school visits in meetings and I was happy they were in my accordion folder (because, honestly, I have a terrible memory).

The other half of this tip is to document everything, and I mean EVERYTHING (sense a theme?). If a conversation can be done via e-mail instead of by phone I do it by e-mail becuase I then have a copy to reference. Plus, the minute I get on the phone my kids all “need” me inevitably. I’m not saying phone conversations don’t have a place but often things are more clear in e-mail plus you can go back to it later. I also send a summary e-mail to the administrators/ teachers at the IEP meetings afterwards. It’s just a couple sentence summary of what I thought happened and any action steps for myself or them.

Do Everything That You Can Ahead of Time

Last spring the team sent me the draft goals for the next year and I really wanted to add a speech articulation goal. I’m a people pleaser and don’t like to “bother” people so I figured I’d bring it up at a meeting. My husband urged me to e-mail them now. I eventually did and it turned out the team had been considering an articulation goal (and had already done the testing for a baseline) but decided it was too many goals. They went ahead and wrote and sent over the goal.

In the meeting the speech therapist thanked me for mentioning it ahead of time. She said it was easier to write the goal in her office then a meeting. This had never really occured to me but I now try to iron out any known issues before the meeting.

Bring Someone Else With You

I think it’s always helpful at any major meeting (educational, health or other) to have a second person. They may see different points or issues at the meeting and will help you remember what happened. Of course, chose your person wisely. Many people chose to bring an educational advocate or a spouse. I bring my mother-in-law. This is obviously not the choice for everyone but my mother-in-law used to be a special education teacher and administrator so she is good at making sure a goal is measurable and an accomodation is acceptable.

Speak Special Education Language

It’s important to be able to understand the terminology that will be used in the meeting and in the paperwork. A great place to start is by reviewing this Special Education Dictionary. You don’t need to memorize it but familiarizing yourself with the terms is useful. If there is any terminology I don’t understand I jot it down and then ask when the person speaking ends.

Take Care of yourself

This one seems obvious enough but I’m a “hot mess mom” so I’m frantically flat ironing my hair and then sneaking out before my twins schmutz my shirt. I have riffled through my car looking for my emergency almonds having forgotten to eat breakfast at pretty much every meeting and then there was the time I forgot to pee. The IEP meeting was at 8:30 so it was a hustle out of the house. The kids were up at some crazily early hour so I’d been chugging coffee for hours. I did my put on the heels and cute top and sneak out of the house thing and arrived at the meeting. I’m a compulsively early person so I was early. Really early because when I get anxious I get earlier. So as I sat in my car digging for almonds I realized I really had to pee. I knew the receptionist at the school was going to give me grief about getting there early because she never lets me in before 8:29 and I really didn’t want to admit to being there at 8:10. The good part about being really early is I actually drove home, peed and drove back. Moral of the story: eat breakfast, drink a sensible amount of coffee, don’t stress and be overly early and definitely don’t forget to pee.

Know Your Rights

You do not have to sign anything at the IEP meeting. If you’re sure it is correct then sign it at the meeting but do not feel pressured to. You can take it home, discuss it with your family, ponder it in the shower, and then sign it. A great resource for any questions about the legal side of the IEP process is WrightLaw and hiring an educational advocate (or attorney) is another option. My husband’s knee jerk reaction whenever the school worries me (they’ve never actually said no to anything) is that he wants to threaten to sue them. Why he has this reaction will need to be a different blog post but I do not recommend telling a district this. However, it is still very important to know what rights you have just in case you need to use them.

What’s next?

Good luck at your IEP meeting! I have a free IEP worksheet (sign up below) to help guide you. Please contact me if you have any questions and be sure to check out my article with my top books for parents of kids with autism.

What Not To Say to the Parent of a Child With Autism

July 10, 2019 By Laura Epstein Leave a Comment

I am extremely open about my six year old son’s autism. Part of the reason is I find it is easier. Also I find that if I’m open about being the parent of a child with autism people can hopefully understand his differences and be supportive. I I am also open about it in order to support others. Often when my son’s autism comes up in conversation people will then feel comfortable telling me about their children’s struggles. We can share resources and support then. The problem is people say some weird stuff sometimes. Sometimes it’s offensive. Other times it’s confusing. I don’t think people usually mean to say something weird but they often don’t have a lot of experience with children who are not neurotypical and don’t know what the right things to say are. Here’s my rundown of some of the stranger things that I’ve been told.

Your Child Doesn’t Look Autistic

What does autism look like? My son looks like everyan almost seven year old boy. He doesn’t look different than the other kids in his class. The implication is usually that he doesn’t “act autistic”. He’s not stimming (usually) and he talks (a lot). He’s not the stereotype that people think a child with autism will “look” like so they are surprised. But it really should not be that surprising.

You’re So Great To Do All That You Do For Him

He’s my son. If he had a broken leg I would take him to the emergency room, then to the doctor, maybe physical therapy. I would do whatever it took to help it heal properly. I would do whatever it takes for him to live his best life. Every parent would. This isn’t to say that autism is at all like breaking your leg but the same rationale applies. I do whatever it takes for my son to live his best life with autism. Because I’m his mom, and until I got asked that question I never thought anything of it, and haven’t since.

But He Makes Eye Contact. He Can’t be Autistic.

Ross makes eye contact similarly to most neurotypical little kids. As a parent of a child with autism I know that struggling to make eye contact is not a prerequisite for being autistic. It is sometimes a symptom, sometimes it is not. Don’t tell me what my child can or “can’t be” based on your opinion of his eye contact. Try not to tell me what my child can or can’t be at all.

If Your Child Had Received An Autism Diagnosis Earlier Would You Have Had His Siblings?

This one floored me. After seeing my initial confused/ shocked reaction she added “or maybe waited a bit?”. My son was diagnosed when my twins were about nine months old so not ideal timing but that was just the diagnosis. He had always had autism. The label of autism did not in any way change my child. The clarity of diagnosis allowed us to better help him, but he was the same. So this person and I weren’t really talking about him having a diagnosis. We were talking about him being autistic. So would I not have more children or wait to have more because my first born was autistic? No. For us as a family it did not matter. For many families I can see how it would change their family planning. Either way asking someone this is still extraordinarily invasive.

Those are some of the more interesting things people have said to me about my autistic son. Sometimes these comments are hurtful, sometimes they are just sort of weird. What interesting things have people said to you? Let me know in the comments then be sure to check out my article on ways to know you are an autism mom.

5 Great Books for Parents of Kids with Autism

July 3, 2019 By Laura Epstein Leave a Comment

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you I may earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. Thank you for supporting my blog.

My spunky, fun and incredibly intelligent almost 6 year old also has Autism Spectrum Disorder. I’ve read a fair number of books about autism and related symptoms a these are the five I found the most helpful in learning about the disorder as it pertains to our family.

Autism Spectrum Disorder by Chantal Sicile-Kira

Autism Spectrum Disorder is very much a handbook on autism. It is a great starting place if you or a love one is newly diagnosed because it defines the main terms, treatments and interventions that are commonly associated with autism.

The Out of Sync Child by Carol Stock

The title of The Out of Sync Child says it is for coping with sensory processing disorder but lots of children and adults on the autism spectrum also have sensory processing issues This book gives a great explanation of sensory processing and where it can go wrong It also gives advice on treating sensory problems as well as coping with problems at home and in school.

Bonus Book: The Out of Sync Child Has Fun

The Out of Sync Child Has Fun is an amazing resource for activities that engage and regulate the senses. It is organized by sense (vestibular, auditory, etc.) and then by sensory-related skills (oral-motor, motor planning, etc.) for easy reference if you are looking to work on a particular skill with your child. I have used activities from this book regularly with all three kids so it is definitely a resource for parents of neurotypical children as well.

The Explosive Child by Ross Greene

The Explosive Child was a game changer in how I looked at the behaviors of all three of my children. I started thinking of what i’d previously thought of as behavioral problems as what Greene called, “logging skilss and unsolved problems”. Starting there I could work on these lagging skills and unsolved problems and solve the behavior. This is a must read for any parent of a child, autistic or not, that have meltdowns, get frustrated or otherwise “misbehave”….so, pretty much all kids at some point or another.

The Sensory Child Gets Organized

In full disclosure, I’m not very organized and I didn’t really prioritize being organized. The Sensory Child Get Organized helped me develop realize I needed to prioritize developing organizational system for my son with Autism and gave me practical ideas in how to do it. This book literally goes room by room and tells you how to create spaces that are ideal for kids with sensory kids.

Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin

Thinking in Pictures is an amazing book by an absolutely an amazing woman. The combination of her scientific knowledge and first person knowledge on autism leads to a fascinating book. If you read just one first person narrative by someone with autism this should be it. It really helped me understand what it felt like to be on the autism spectrum.

I hope you find some of these books interesting or helpful! What other books have you found helpful on your journey as a parent of a child with autism? Let me know in the comments.

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Mom Hacks: How To Never Go Shopping With Your Kids Again

June 27, 2019 By Laura Epstein 3 Comments

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you I may earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. Thank you for supporting my blog.

Well, by never go shopping I mean never drag your newborn, your sick child, or your three super active little boys to the store if you do not want to. Like most moms I enjoy a good stroll through Target by myself. I’m a little less enthusiastic about dragging tired twins to the grocery store when they’d rather be doing pretty much anything else. Here are my favorite programs for shopping while keeping your sanity by not having to actually go IN the store. Because that toy aisle at Target is always RIGHT in the middle and hard to avoid and really, why waste time shopping with your kids when you can go to the park instead.

Groceries

There are several great options for getting groceries to you without going in the store. My current favorite is Marianos Clicklist (it’s also offered by Kroger stores). You have to go in the store, but not INTO the store. You order online and pick a time slot you want to pick up. You the drive up, call a number and they bring the groceries out to the car. Perfect for a napping child or a quick run to the grocery store on your way home. I like Clicklist because the groceries are picked by store employees. They know where things are so I find there are less “out of stock” items and the produce quality is the highest. There is a fee by delivery or by month/ year. If I know the kids are going to be off school and I won’t have time to shop in peace I’ll turn on monthly then go back to just by trip. You can use the code LEPSTEIN at checkout for $10 off your first order.

This does not solve the problem of when you don’t want to or can’t leave the house. I like Instacart but I don’t love it. That said I actually used it today so it’s my favorite of the don’t leave your house at all options. I was planning to grocery shop after the kids went to bed but my husband got stuck at work and Instacart rescued me for pretzels and strawberries I need for tomorrow’s lunches (and a bunch of other stuff too). Better planning would probably have solved the whole issue but you’re on a blog call The Messy Bun Life so we can’t expect perfection. I like the ease of Instacart. It comes right to your door and is usually pretty quick. The fees are about the same as Clicklist. The problem is that for some stores the prices are significantly higher. But some are comparable and sometimes I have a sick kids, or poor planning, and just need my groceries. The other problem is that the you are at the will of the picking skills of your independent instacart shopper. Sometimes they are fine, and sometimes they aren’t. As long as you doublecheck and provide feedback when necessary instacart is a good option for when you can’t, or don’t want to, go anywhere.

Supplies

Well, Amazon is the big one. It has pretty much everything and with prime sometimes it’s within one to two days. The downside is sometimes even with prime it takes a little while longer (things aren’t in stock) and you have to be careful about the price of things that are being resold. I spent $10 for 6 kids bath bubble pens that were clearly marked as $1 (probably from the target bullseye section from the packaging). Whoops!

I may have mentioned I love Target. I actually grew up in downtown Chicago and we didn’t have Target until I was in my mid-twenties (gasp!) which is probably part of my obsession. I don’t usually love taking my kids to Target. I have three boys, a 6 year old and twin 4 year olds, that have more interest in the pokemon section then guest bedroom bedding sets or the amazing array of dry shampoo. The order online, pick up in store option has always been my favorite way to do quick target runs. When the drive up option started rolling out I was a little skeptical if I would ever need it. Then my twins got sick. Not super sick but that grumpy, needs to nap but doesn’t feel well enough to comfortably sleep sick. Then we ran out of pretzels (this happens a lot) and were running low on everything else. Plus I was looking for a reason to get the twins in the car so they would take a good nap. So I tried the drive up and it was awesome! It’s like it sounds: you order online, then drive up and they bring it out. My biggest concern was how long it would take once I stopped before they came out. I didn’t want the twins to wake up. It was quick. Future trips, which now happen regularly, were equally fast and it has become my go to for small to medium size target runs when I don’t have time but I am driving somewhere close to it. Prices are the same (and right now they seem to be running a lot of specials), they pick perfectly and the selection is most of your everyday stuff you would buy from Target. Target for the win!

Clothing

I hate clothing shopping in store. Honestly, I hate going clothing shopping with OR without the kids in a store. That’s why I’m sort of obsessed with Stitch Fix. If you aren’t familiar Stitch Fix is where you fill out an online style survey including sizes and the approximate price you want to spend (items range from $25 to $500). Your personal stylist sends you five pieces to try based on your preferences. You pick what you want (and pay for it then) and send back what you don’t want. There is a $20 styling fee that is applied to your order. I have my account set for an automatic box every three months so I have new clothing seasonally but you can order on demand or set up an autoship.

I did not realize until someone brought it up how much of my wardrobe staples are from them: my favorite shoes, jean jacket, sweater, and jeans are all Stitch Fix. Those stylists are pretty good. I have never had an order where I didn’t love something and sometimes they are dead on. You provide feedback every time so the more you shop, the better the boxes become. You can get $25 off your first order here!

That’s my roundup of my favorite programs to avoid taking your kids shopping. Be sure to check out some of other mom hacks about learning fine motor skills and outfitting your basement for motor skill development and fun!

What are your favorite resources and store to avoid spending the time, energy and sometimes money, of taking your kids to the stores?

The Best Basement Toys for Your Preschooler

June 13, 2019 By Laura Epstein Leave a Comment

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you I may earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. I hope you find some great new basement toys and thank you for supporting my blog.

Why have great basement toys?

A great indoor gross motor play area (in your basement or elsewhere) will help your kids grow their motor skills, increase balance and sports skills, help with sensory regulation, and allow you a bit of sanity. Below is a list of some of our favorite toys we keep in our basement. A lot of these toys were originally purchased for my oldest son who has Autism. They helped with his motor delays and sensory integration struggles but they have been equally successful and fun with his little brothers who are more neurotypical. One of the twins has hypotonia and a few of these toys were very helpful in him making progress on increasing his muscle tone.

The Basement Toys

Mini trampoline

Kids need to bounce. The motion and input are regulating to many kids and it will burn a lot of energy on rainy days. We love this 36 inch folding trampoline. I did not want a trampoline with a bar (I didn’t want to worry about one kid pushing another into it) but having seen my twins jump super high on this little tikes trampoline at their occupational therapist’s clinic there is definitely a lot to be said for having a removable bar. That’s a personal preference so I’ll leave both options here.

Ball Pits

I love our ball pits. We started with what my husband calls our “sensibly sized” pop-up ball pit. We had this ball pit tent at our smaller town home. We kept it folded in the closet with the balls in a garbage bag and popped it up with my son needed to swim in the balls. Even if you don’t have a dedicated open space for your equipment lots of these toys can be stored in a closet and pulled out when you want them. Despite having a larger ball pit now we still pop this one out of the closet and use it all the time.

When we moved to the ‘burbs one of the upgrades was in ball pit size. We got the Fun and Function Air Lite Ball Pit. It was an expensive purchase but was absolutely worth it. This ball pit has been used countless hours for the last two years and has no no wear and tear on it. It has been used at a ball pit, a tent, a cave, a bounce house and more! I will warn you at one point or a few all the balls will end up out of the pit. Speaking of balls I have tested a few types and these packs of 200 are the best we’ve had.

Crash Mat

If you aren’t familiar with crash mats they are basically giant pillows to crash into. You can jump on it, climb over it and wrestle on it. Climbing on and out from under our crash mat has greatly improved my twins’ muscle tone and balance and crashing into this mat is highly regulating for all my boys.

Giant ball

A giant ball has been a lot of fun. I originally meant to put it outside but it was given to us for the holidays so it went in the basement and hasn’t come out. The kids jump on it, roll on it and throw it at each other.

Scooters

Do you remember scooter races in elementary school gym class? This is the type of scooters I’m talking about. The boys love scooting all over the place on these and they are great for their core strength and coordination.

Hopper Balls

Hopper Balls (Hippity Hop was the popular brand in the 80s) are another classic from my childhood that my kids are now starting to like as well. I particularly like the ones we got from Fun and Function and they have held up well.

Ogo Sport

The Ogo Sport is a fun toy that goes both inside and outside at our house depending on the weather. It is essentially two paddles (I like the ones with handles) and a squishy ball with a tail on it. It sounds a little weird but it’s a great toy for practicing eye hand coordination without smashing up your house too much.

Step 2 Train

I was actually not originally sold on this toy (it was a gift). Not because the step 2 train didn’t look fun but it really only does one thing: the train goes down the track. That said, I was wrong. The train does definitely only go down the track but the kids practice taking turns, ride on it together and it has helped my twin who has hypotonia’s muscle tone. When we got the train he was absolutely opposed to going down it. His core was not strong enough to make it comfortable to go down. We slowly worked on it and he gained the confidence to try it with support and now knows how to go down it.

Mini Slide

We also have a mini slide in our basement. It was originally outside because our bigger play set was too big for one of the twins to comfortably used but I decided to test it out in our basement and it has been a success. If and how big a slide you want in your basement is a personal choice but having a small one allows the kids a chance to climb without a huge safety risk.

Mats

Buying floor mats was another large purchase but well worth it. We have this type from Amazon on a couple of the walls so the train can run into them and also on the floors. These have the right amount of firmness and squish to both be useful when the kids fall on them but also when my husband drops weights on the floor.

I hope this helps you decide on some great toys for your basement or other play area! Check out my article on great fine motor skill toys for more ideas to help your child develop great motor skills.

Why You Should Send Your Child With Autism to Summer Camp

June 5, 2019 By Laura Epstein 2 Comments

Every year my oldest son Ross goes to day camp. Every summer he has a blast, makes new friends and learns amazing new skills. He has autism and is currently six years old but has gained so much by going to day camp every year. Camp, day or overnight, can be an amazing place for children with special needs including autism. Here are my big reasons why you should consider sending your child with autism to summer camp:

To Learn New “Camp” Skills

The list of skills that a child with autism will learn at camp is extensive and varied. Camps offer everything from archery to cooking and more. The best part about these skills isn’t that your child learns to start a campfire but that they are a great way to build self confidence. Ross has gotten pretty good at swimming by going to day camp and he’s super proud of this skill. It’s been amazing to watch him really feel great about himself about an activity. He’s never really shown interest in a sport before and during the year he doesn’t have a lot of time to do extracurricular activities because of his therapy

To Learn Life Skills

Camp is also the first time Ross got on a bus and the first time he got himself (mostly) changed by himself to go swimming everyday. He keeps track of his own stuff at camp and has learned to do so many things more independently. He is well supported by his counselor but his activities of daily living skills as well as his confidence to do them also improves.

To Improve Strength and Motor Skills

Ross, like other children with autism, struggles with coordination issues as well as core strength. The constant running, games, swimming, obstacle courses and more help Ross with his gross motor skills and strength every summer. It’s like sending him to occupational therapy eight hours a day without him knowing (and sometimes complaining) about having to work on his strength.

To Get Near Constant Social Interaction

This was the part that worried me the most about Ross going to camp. The social interactions at school are, for the most part, more organized than those at camp. There are lots of informal social interaction, lots of games and other social interaction that needs to be navigated. With the help of his one to one aide Ross is able to navigate these situations with his neurotypical peers. He not only survived the social interaction (as I had feared he wouldn’t) but he has made some amazing friends and lasting relationships with his counselors.

To Feel a Sense of Belonging

There is something different about camp. It is more inclusive, less judgemental and they will feel like they belong there. Ross has relayed this to me in his own way and I can see it in the way he acts when we visit camp.

Sending my child with autism to summer camp was a leap of faith after months of researching. Finding a camp that will support your child with autism can sometimes be overwhelming. There are day and overnight camps, inclusion programs, camps geared solely towards those with special needs and autism and even more option in terms of camps for children with autism. We were lucky to find the

JCC Chicago and Keshet to be a great fit for Ross. I would encourage anyone with a child with autism to strongly explore what options are available in your area because for Ross his summers have truly been life changing.

Has your child with autism been to camp? How did they like it? Tell me in the comments below then check out my articles on great books for parents of kids with autism and ways to trick your child into better fine motor skills!

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