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Special Needs Parenting

Check out the latest articles from the Messy Bun Life on special needs parenting.  We hope you’ll find some tips, tricks, support and more on your journey as a special needs parent.

 

What Going To Disney World With My Autistic Son Taught Me About Parenting

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My oldest son, Ross, has autism.  He was diagnosed when he was 3 and is now a happy, thriving 6 year old who just started kindergarten.  Last spring we took my son with autism to Disney World.  My Husband, my boys, my mother and father in law, my sister in law and her husband and I all headed to Orlando to go on a new adventure to Disney World.  This adventure  went far better than I had expected.  Honestly, I had set very low expectations for the trip and especially for how much Ross was going to like it.  I was pleasantly surprised by how engaged my son was and how much he liked Disney World, especially Magic Kingdom and Epcot.  I was also surprised by what I learned as a parent and how it changed how I parent all three of my boys.

It’s Hard To Accept That He Is Different, But I Need To

I think Ross spent 75% of the time in Disney World in his stroller.  Most of that time he had noise cancelling headphones on and Netflix videos were playing through the bluetooth in the headphones for part of that.  BUT, he loved it.  A few years ago I would have prodded him to get out of the stroller and experience the parks the same way my neurotypical boys do.  I would have tried to get him to go on rides or see more movies and he probably would have melted down.  He was actually quite happy sitting in his stroller, looking around, hopping out for the occasional character.  He also became obsessed with trading pins.  This was the perfect activity for him and actually didn’t end up as terribly expensive as I expected.   In the last three years I have had to learn to accept that he will experience things in his own way and that he enjoys things in his own way.  He still talks about how amazing his trip to Disney World was and I’m glad I got over myself and let him decide how he wanted to experience it.

Being a Little Pushy is Ok

On our third day in Disney World the kids, my husband and I had reservations to Chef Mickey’s restaurant at the Contemporary Hotel.  When we got there we discovered that strollers had to be parked outside and there was no way that Ross was getting out of his stroller.  Ross was over stimulated from the parks and on the verge of melting down all the time but was also super excited to have brunch with Mickey.  We were at an impasse.  I had gone up to the desk when we arrived and asked if  strollers were allowed and they said no.  In desperation I asked my husband if we should just go and explain the situation.  I always fear being too pushy or asking too much but he doesn’t fear these things at all.  So he asked if we could bring the stroller for Ross in and explained his situation and they said yes.  My fear of being pushy or of judgement had always stopped Ross from being able to go in to what became his favorite part of Disney.  Note: I later found out you can get a “Stroller as a Wheelchair” pass for Disney and could have avoided the whole situation.

(Sometimes) IDGAF

As Dua Lipa says, “I don’t give a f***”.  Ok, maybe I do a little but I’m trying to care less.  Back to that third day at Disney and we got a table with a wheelchair spot at Chef Mickey’s and all was fine.  Ross doesn’t like many new foods so was totally uninterested in eating.  He sat in his stroller with the hood up and his headphones on.  And people looked and, at least in my head, they judged.   

So I took a deep breath and decided that IDGAF.  This happened more than once in the course of the trip.  From choosing bubbles over characters to melting down when someone cut in the water slide line I decided to take the approach that IDGAF what others thought.  I was going to help my sons have the best vacation possible and not let others bother me.

I Need to Ask For Help

Perhaps the biggest thing I learned at Disney that made me a better parent was that I need to ask for help.  I tend to try to do it all.  Whether it was asking for help from Disney cast members or from my in-laws (they watched the kids several nights so my husband and I could have dinner alone) we could not have made it through Disney without lots of support.  When I got back to the “real world” I tried to remember this lesson and ask for help because it’s definitely a lot easier.

This article was originally entitled “What Going To Disney World With My Autistic Son Taught Me About Special Needs Parenting” but I think all of these parenting lessons I learned taking my son with autism to Disney World apply just as much to my neurotypical children as my son with autism. 

Feel free to reach out to me if you need help navigating Disney World with an autistic son or daughter.  Be sure to check out my article on being an autism mom and grab your free IEP worksheet by signing up for my newsletter below too.

What going To Disney World Taught Me About Parenting

5 Great Books for Parents of Kids with Autism

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Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you I may earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.  Thank you for supporting my blog.

My spunky, fun and incredibly intelligent almost 6 year old also has Autism Spectrum Disorder.  I’ve read a fair number of books about autism and related symptoms a these are the five I found the most helpful in learning about the disorder as it pertains to our family.

Autism Spectrum Disorder by Chantal Sicile-Kira

Autism Spectrum Disorder is very much a handbook on autism.  It is a great starting place if you or a love one is newly diagnosed because it defines the main terms, treatments and interventions that are commonly associated with autism.

The Out of Sync Child by Carol Stock

The title of The Out of Sync Child says it is for coping with sensory processing disorder but lots of children and adults on the autism spectrum also have sensory processing issues  This book gives a great explanation of sensory processing and where it can go wrong  It also gives advice on treating sensory problems as well as coping with problems at home and in school.
Books about autism

Bonus Book: The Out of Sync Child Has Fun

The Out of Sync Child Has Fun is an amazing resource for activities that engage and regulate the senses.  It is organized by sense (vestibular, auditory, etc.) and then by sensory-related skills (oral-motor, motor planning, etc.) for easy reference if you are looking to work on a particular skill with your child.  I have used activities from this book regularly with all three kids so it is definitely a resource for parents of neurotypical children as well.
Books about autism

The Explosive Child by Ross Greene

The Explosive Child was a game changer in how I looked at the behaviors of all three of my children.  I started thinking of what i’d previously thought of as behavioral problems as what Greene called, “logging skilss and unsolved problems”.  Starting there I could work on these lagging skills and unsolved problems and solve the behavior.  This is a must read for any parent of a child, autistic or not, that have meltdowns, get frustrated or otherwise “misbehave”….so, pretty much all kids at some point or another.

Books about autism

The Sensory Child Gets Organized

In full disclosure, I’m not very organized and I didn’t really prioritize being organized.  The Sensory Child Get Organized helped me develop realize I needed to prioritize developing organizational system for my son with Autism and gave me practical ideas in how to do it.  This book literally goes room by room and tells you how to create spaces that are ideal for kids with sensory kids.
Books about autism

Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin

Thinking in Pictures is an amazing book by an absolutely an amazing woman.  The combination of her scientific knowledge and first person knowledge on autism leads to a fascinating book.  If you read just one first person narrative by someone with autism this should be it.  It really helped me understand what it felt like to be on the autism spectrum.

Books about autism

I hope you find some of these books interesting or helpful! What other books have you found helpful on your journey as a parent of a child with autism?  Let me know in the comments.

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How To Survive The Holidays With Your Special Needs Child

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The holidays can be a stressful time for anyone. Those stresses can be even worse for children with special needs. Here are my tips on how to not just survive, but enjoy the holiday season.

Over Prepare

This is the time or the year for social stories and visual schedules.  My son Ross can become extremely anxious at new or unfamiliar places so we use these and other similar tools.  We also look at pictures of friends and relatives so he remembers they are not new and we look at pictures of holiday locations if they are available. Anything we can do to make events and places seem less unfamiliar we attempt to do.

Bring Everything, Or Close To It

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Beyond Climate Change: Why Greta Thunberg Matters For My Son

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Greta Thunberg is an amazing advocate for climate change. She is well spoken, passionate, knowledgeable, and will hopefully help to lead a worldwide movement to change our laws and policies and curb climate change. But that is not why she is important to my son. My son has a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. His diagnostic report reads “he has what used to be called aspergers”. Like my son, Greta Thunberg also has aspergers.

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Four Reasons Why You Should Consider Being a Special Ed Room Parent

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The Messy Bun Life is excited to have Lara Sandora from Refresh share her reasons for being a special ed room parent with our community today as a guest blogger.

Why you should you consider being a special ed room parent?

Here are four great reasons to think about signing up to be a special ed room parent:

  • Because the other class already has one – or three: This is my fifth year as a room parent, for my third teacher, and in most cases, I am the first room parent the teacher has EVER had.  Even if I’m not the first, I know that someone in the class of 28 kids will volunteer to send out field trip reminders and sign-ups for class parties. I know that in our special class of six autistic boys everyone is stretched thin, but that investing in our teachers and staff in this way is important.  
  • Because special education staff can feel left out: Sped staff may be sent to IEP or safety training and miss the camaraderie of slogging through, um, I mean benefitting from, scintillating PD opportunities with the rest of their staff.  They may miss staff meetings to run IEPs or miss the staff luncheon because a kid has a meltdown. Providing special supports and treats can help staff feel more connected – and fostering school connection can play a role in reducing staff turnover in schools.  
  • Because you know what they want: You likely are walking your special needs kid into the classroom every day.  And picking them up. And maybe running over in the middle of the day with a change of clothes.  You are sitting in hours-long IEP meetings with the special ed staff. In other words, you know your child’s special education staff better than the teacher of your typical kid who you may just wave at a few times a week.  Use that knowledge to provide thoughtful supports – and treats.  
  • Because supporting sped staff shows them how much you appreciate them: No one knows how hard it is to raise a special needs child, except, perhaps, the dedicated professionals who help us raise them from 8 am to 3 pm for 180 days every year.  Studies show that sped kids are more likely to be sent to the office or sent home from school than typical kids. Do what you can to support and thank the staff for helping your child maintain in the classroom all day.  

Special Ed Room Parent Ideas:

So now that you’re considering being a special ed room parent, here are some ideas for what to do:

  • A basket of goodies: While most room parent gigs support one teacher, and maybe an aide, in the world of special education, there is a team.  A team approach makes everything possible – so remember that when you shop. I tend to make generous gift baskets, with many small denomination gift cards, individually wrapped themed items, and of course, some Color Street.
  • A baked treat: A loaf of something is always appreciated – again, a whole loaf allows for the entire crew to have a slice.  Throw in a coffee traveler from your favorite coffee shop and you have done a better job serving the team than showing up with a single latte in a paper sleeve.  
  • The ice cream bar – again flexible and customizable is key – and this one is great for the end of the year.  Include some non-dairy deliciousness like this from Haagen-Dazs, as well as a variety of toppings and cones, and you will have an appreciative staff.  (Bonus points if you happen to schedule this on a day the temperature soars!)

So I hope you’ll consider signing up to be a special ed room parent. Comment below if you have been one or plan to be one!

About The Guest Blogger

Lara Sandora helps busy women refresh their styles, their lives, and themselves.  She and her husband are both career public school educators who live in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Together they are raising two boys, the younger of whom is non-verbal autistic.  Her blog, Refresh, provides style tips, recipes and life hacks for busy women – particularly those who parent, educate or care for special needs children.  Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, or Pinterest, where she is busy planning her next vacation.  

Four Reasons Why You Should Consider Being a Special Ed Room Parent

About Our Guest Blogger

Why and How To Teach Your Child With Autism To Swim

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The Why

Swimming is a life skill. In our family learning to swim is not optional. My kids go to school, religious/Hebrew school, and swim lessons. Pretty much any activity other than those is optional. At some point a child will be around water and it is important for them to be safe. I breathed a sigh of relief when my oldest son could successfully fall in the water, roll to his back and float.

My oldest son has autism and for him swimming has been an especially useful activity. He had low core strength and swimming has helped to improve that. Ross learning to swim has also greatly increased his self confidence. He now has his sport. Swimming is the activity that he takes pride in and overall enjoys.

Find The Right Program and Instructor for YOUR Child

Now, getting to the point where Ross enjoyed swimming was a process. We tried swim lessons at three different places over the course of about two and a half years. Eventually we moved and decided to try our local JCC’s All in Swim program because that was where Ross was going to go to summer camp a few weeks later. It is a program that specializes in providing children with autism swimming lessons.

why and how to teach your child with autism to swim

When we started Ross was scared to go into the pool area. It was loud and smelled funny plus it had a swimming pool! The program uses social stories but mostly a lot of patience to get him in the pool area and eventually in the pool. Having a program and instructors that understood Ross’ unique challenges was so important to getting Ross comfortable in the water.

We have also switched instructors several times. We switched because of scheduling and teachers moving on to other jobs but each time it turned out to be a good thing. Having a new instructor seemed to refocus Ross. Having a new teacher with new expectations was good for him.

After Ross’ second teacher we also realized that he did better with a male teacher. A great swim program director can find a great teacher for your specific child so be sure to change instructors as neccesary and give any feedback (like needing a male instructor) to the director so your child can have the best instructor.

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